Great piece - found myself saying “yes yes yes!” I am curious by nature, get bored fairly easily, start a new hobby every week (literally). I’ve come to accept this part of me - though I still have days I want to slap myself and say “get it together Amanda!” But - curiosity means I can explore more of the world, dip a toe into all sorts of things. I am great at Connections because I know a lot about a little and that’s so cool!
I’d love to commiserate about this more. I have found things that I am very consistent with - working out, drinking water, walking my doggie, watching the traitors, my substack! And other things going poorly - my novel, letterboxed, eating enough protein.
Hahahahha this comment made me laugh so hard because I've NOW FOUND myself saying "yes yes yes!". That's so interesting - same here. As part of this essay, I also took stock of the (few) things I've been fairly consistent in my life with for the past few years. They're not many...but watching the Traitors definitely is!! So is reading/watching films/listening to podcasts as part of my day to day which is a big deal for me. Show me your ways about keeping consistent with working out ooouuuf. I'm literally procrastinating as we type but I'm about to do it now, no excuses 😂
Being consistent with a show means something! I’ll stand by it. As for working out, I’m unfortunately like your friend in that I will lose my ever loving mind if I don’t move. I have always told people- you gotta find what you like! I hate spin, I hate bikes! I would never work out that way. But I do like dumbbells and walking so 🤌🏻
As someone who logs everything on LB, from a 27th rewatch of 27 Dresses while filing taxes to the recent Oscar contender I just saw at my local AMC, I want to say - the amount of times I wish I could write 4000 words on a movie and share it with the world, instead of just being able to obsessive log, is astronomically high. One reminds me of vulnerability, the type I wish I practiced more. The other reminds me of precision, which isn’t the same as creativity, IMO, and is cultivated by discipline that many, many days, feels like an excuse for not writing that Substack article I’ve been putting off. Because I already decided it isn’t good. All this to say: Sometimes, the LB user also wishes they were you, too. Thanks so much for writing this piece.
Wow, this was a huge unlock for me so thank you for writing this comment. I guess it does go back to my epilogue --- we're just wired differently and it shouldn't be a competition. Which I'm slowly coming to terms with haha! Thank you so much ❤️
I think Letterboxd is just gamefication disguised as something "high culture." To me, just from a functional UX/UI perspective it's an awful user experience, which is why their marketing has been key and so successful at getting people to log stuff on there as some kind of badge of taste.
I also have bursts where I'm super inspired to write and weeks where I need to noodle something in my head before I write it down.
Digital platforms have been really well engineered to tap into certain neurodivergent aspects and they work well for people who need those constant dopamine hits. I'd love to read more about this!
Funny I was only yesterday contemplating a “note” meant to instigate Letterboxd discussion. I do not like Letterboxd Sam I am I tried it a year ago and logged films for about a month and quit. The site is clunky and swampy. Part of me thinks as a filmmaker I’m supposed to follow along and have an account and participate blah blah blah but in the end I don’t want to spend my own very limited resources on it. I’ve got better things to do even if that’s to stare at the ceiling for an hour.
my pushback to that would be just because an app is designed one way does not mean you have to use it that way. Substack has that same gamification now with likes and leaderboards and what have you, but the people who are using it for their passion are what make it great. Letterboxd can foster that same passion. It can foster exploration and discovery. It does not need to be used in a gamified way. Their journal (which I do write for) has a goal of fostering discoverability and highlighting films from under-seen communities.
Like I said in my comment on Sophie’s piece, Letterboxd has many uses, one of which is discovery and another of which is personal archiving, which has been a part of cinephilia since the birth of cinema, be it in lists that people have written out for themselves, the collecting of movie stubs, etc. This archival behavior has been part of how people engage with movies from the beginning, Letterboxd just facilitates a way to do for the digital age.
Well if it makes you feel any better as an old, I’ve been logging every movie I watch in one form or another (livejournal, tumblr, listography) since I was in college twenty years ago. sometimes you start a habit as a teenager and it just sticks. I know someone who is in their 60s who has been logging everything they watch in a physical journal since like 1970. Letterboxd is just a digital version of something people have been doing forever. just not everyone’s brain works that way and/or they don’t care. In my view, it’s not a failing or an achievement either way; it’s a form of personal archiving.
Yes absolutely -- that where I'm trying to get to at the end of my essay. It's all a bit irrelevant at the end of the day but I thought it would be a helpful exercise to apply my feelings on something as trivial as letterboxd logging to other areas in my life where this internal oscillation takes place 😂
Sophie: Brilliant writing as always. As someone who’s just emerging from a monthlong wallow in the doldrums, unmotivated and absent any creative spark, I empathize with your take on consistent people. While I tend to fall into that category more often than into the chaotic one, I certainly have my times when breaking my patterns is just what the doctor ordered. Or would have if I had consulted one for confirmation that it was fine if I just read a book all day instead of doing anything else. Even then, it’s not because I have a list of books I’ve read every year since I first learned how. Nor do I track my movie watching, which tends to be sporadic these days and can include anything from Academy Award prospects to independent films that someone here on Substack recommended. I don’t like to treat books and films as requirements but as pleasures, therefore not homework I need to finish before I can go outside and play.
Ive done longer form writing that felt exhausting to contend with, ive done Letterboxd logs that felt profound and now seem pretentious, ive done logs that are silly jokes, that dont tell me anything about the film when I look back on it.
I like having a cataloguing of what ive watched, because I made lists before there was Letterboxd, I made spreadsheets for music! But still, my abilities to perceive depth and wrestle it out into coherent reviews etc have atrophied for sure, since i adhere to Letterboxd logging. Even the neurodivergent brains who enjoy Letterboxd are getting beaten up a bit.
This is a great reflection and I admire how you came to understand that certain influencers are simply wired differently. Personally, I only log films that I see at the cinema and give full stars (1-5, no halves) to be more decisive while tracking consistency.
Sophie, I ironically - or appropriately? - do not have the bandwidth to respond how I want to respond so I will be sending my thoughts your way tomorrow, BUT I did just want to say thank you for consistently being a role model (cheesy term I know but it's the best one I can think of right now) in how to embody a gorgeous, vulnerable, authentic impactful, and helpful online "self." i.e. you represent so fully how to be human in this digital age.
Thank YOU!!! Finding the balance of being vulnerable and authentic while not coming across as a tool is scary but I trust you and the rest of my readers to understand I come from a place of deep and profound connection with you all ❤️
Alright I'm ready to talk lol. I feel your honest exploration of seeing a "perfectly consistent person" operate really unlocked some new language for me in my own understanding of how my brain works. It's something I've been thinking about - well my whole life - but especially recently as I've been learning the commonalities between artists and entrepreneurs. So I'm going to voice some thoughts or "questions" I've had recently in light of our current global unraveling. What if we're just now waking up to how true "creative minds" work. What if the world after the industrial revolution sought to create systems and rewards for people whose minds can be compared to "machines" rather than "fertile fields" where one has to wait for harvest in due season. What if we just haven't shaped the proper infrastructure, language, and conversation on how "non-machine like minds" actually work. What if outside of biology, depression is simply having a mind that's not fit to "operate" under the current systems of thought. I don't know how much you've been following Yancey Strickler and his A-Corp certification journey but he found that there was no financial system that was congruent with how a creative/ artist works and so he had to make one. This shortcoming in proper infrastructure and understanding can easily be translated to "thought" and perception of "productivity." A field looks barren before the harvest comes. We forget that minds need things like boredom and solitude just as much as we need connection and stimulation. This also ties in to our current "VALUATION" of money. In today's world money is above all else - even our own humanity. And there are certain people who truly are excited and stimulated by sheer numbers and profits alone. I have never been one of those people and I have spent DAYS/WEEKS/ YEARS of my life trying to figure out just how these people's minds work. The old saying, "I won't get out of bed for anything less than a million dollars" has never made any sense to me. I won't get out of bed for anything that doesn't set my soul on fire. That doesnt connect me to people, places, and experiences that not only let me know that I am alive but that I'm connnected to something greater than myself. I think as revolution is inevitably springing up across the world - a world built on numbers, data, and knowledge - we are going to a revolution of our understanding of the"mind" and my prayer is that on the other side of this, people will finally see that there are other things to value and other ways to think and produce outside of the capitialistic, industrial narrative we've been spoon-fed our whole lives.
I am both your friend who doesn’t miss a day at the gym (5 days a week, same routine) and you - who gets overwhelmed. Who can’t start a new habit and continue it forever no matter how pretty my planner. I hate logging things even though I should. And I get mired in the anxiety of not being the consistent, reliable, always available and together person I feel like I could be… because I’ve proven I can! In specific areas only! For no rhyme or reason! (Also however often you post, I’m excited to keep reading your work!)
Well, fuck. This reminds me of that brief scene in BoJack Horseman where he marvels at how other people can just live. "It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say yeah, another day, let's do it. How do people do it? I don't know how." I mean this as the highest of compliments. Also this post goes straight to my saved folder. Thank u for sharing ♥️
Omg Alexandra, you took me back to that scene! I love Bojack (and I can relate to this damn horse so much). Thank you so much for the reminder and thank you for showing up ❤️
This essay was the first thing I read after hearing that Catherine O'Hara died, so thank you for the slight uplift in mood. (RIP Catherine)
It's nice to know that I am not the only person who fails to be consistent in logging their entries on Letterboxd. Also, I laughed-cried about your attempts to use Notion... because I tried using Notion to maintain a database of articles and clippings. Failed abysmally.
But here's something ironic I thought I'd share, because it might raise a different question connected to your topic. I'm gonna go on a tangent but please do bear with me, I swear there's a point to all of it.
Since 2015, I've maintained a log of all the movies I watch and books I read in a notebook. It's a small brown faux-leather A5 notebook. I divide each page into two columns: one for films, one for books. When I write, my writing is tiny and cramped to fit the already narrow space; writing non-fic book titles are the worst, sometimes I need a magnifying glass to see what I've written. I've been doing this consistently for a decade. But when I tried this on Letterboxd and StoryGraph, I'm about as committed as Marvel Comics is about allowing Spider-Man to grow up in the stories- that is to say, utterly inconsistent.
In 2017, I created an Excel Sheet to expand the type of stuff I wanted to log. This included TV episodes, comic books, scripts, music albums, and later, films and books rewatched and reread respectively. And each month, I'd transfer these to a Word document (along with my entries in the brown notebook) so that I got an overview of all the things I was watching. This, too, I've been doing consistently.
However, I think the reason I've been able to succeed in this type of consistency but not with Letterboxd or Storygraph is because it's for my own use and not for public viewing. I also find it weirdly frictionless, whereas logging on something on Letterboxd just feels exhausting! It's not just the title and the date, but you also have to give it a rating and maybe your opinion! I think that the Internet- social media in particular- has made this kind of record-keeping a performative activity. Consciously or otherwise, it's not enough to just log an entry- we need to show that we have AN OPINION on it, or to show that WE ARE SERIOUS CINEPHILES/READERS JUST LOOK AT HOW MUCH I WATCH/READ REGULARLY LOOK UPON MY PROFILE AND DESPAIR.
I know some people don't do that- I have friends who find Letterboxd useful in the same way I use a notebook and an Excel sheet. But your essay made me realize that the good ol' Internet has turned even something like Letterboxd into a comparison game; where shame and envy and despair are the currency that keeps the wheels of the platform turning.
I think- and this is the point I promised this was all leading up to- I think that it is easier to be consistent at certain things- in this case, logging the stuff one watches- when it's meant for your eyes only instead of sharing with the world. Where the only shame and despair comes from when you consult your private records and realise HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I LAST WATCHED SOMETHING BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. (*checks notebook* HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IT ACTUALLY HAS BEEN A WEEK SINCE I LAST WATCHED SOMETHING!)
Keep on writing, Sophie, and don't let the internet and Letterboxd get you down!
Comments like this is why I write on this platform. Thank you for your radical honesty and thank you for taking the time to respond to my essay in such a thoughtful yet illuminating way. This is all so astute!
Essays like yours are the only reason I continue checking this platform. Seriously, the rate that Substack is turning into a Frankenstein-ian YouTube/TikTok/X platform means that in-depth analytical thinking like the pieces that you write will soon be unpalatable to the almighty algorithm
Kudos Sophie; this was like looking at my brain in the mirror. Time dilation is also something I seem to deal with. I perch on the edge of my activity black hole, noodling through tasks, and when I look up, the rest of the world appears to have climbed Mt Everest.
The grass is not just greener over that way, it’s soil more mineral, it’s growth pattern more susceptible to fruit. That is the perspective of the sun; source’s eyes beholding the grass and its neon. Does the sun grow angry at the sight of apple trees?
I think you struck something deeply profound here. Something that movies do that a workout does not; writing anything does where routine-of-something cannot see. You’re touching on the feeling of experience, which is total. As Kurt Vonnegut puts it, this is the sense of becoming that practicing any art invites. You’re discussing the realm of awe and curiosity, as if it were clutching onto the back of time. They move together; the thing is you see it: that union. You can’t ignore it.
The grass here isn’t always green. Usually the opposite; often scorched. The sun is far too close. You are not a patch of anything, not a plot of anything. Your concerns are with the entire hill: everything green and everything not green all the same. The difference here — your frustration — comes down to not a great many mirrors reflecting back onto yourself, but none at all. Or at least a reflection so blinding that not a single feature can be accurately made out.
You’re burning inside. Not the kind that your friend may feel at the onset of a change of plans or outside when the workout goes off without a hitch. Not the kind that even hurts. It’s the kind that makes heat, fire, and life. I’m inspired by your openness. The thing about you is that you will never know why you affect and inspire; because you don’t run on envy or jealousy. You never did; you just can’t tell. You had your blinders on to the one thing that is true: you’re the sun, the grass is only greener because you made it that way.
It's mystery. The mysteries of the lived experiences of others spark fascination in a none-too-different way that the mysteries of nature spark scientific itches. Of course they're going to seem more attractive to us compared to our own experience, which will seem unremarkable only because we're so used to it.
Consider, then, that's there's a similar element of mystery surrounding who you were prior to being born; a version of your experience that's so true to who you are and what you're built for that you can't yet comprehend it. That's the carrot that keeps me going, anyway (with glorious inconsistency, I might add).
Yes! Honestly my revelation from writing this is that we should all just marvel at each other and take the "negative" feelings and turn them into curiosity/wonder for others and ourselves ❤️
Meanwhile, I am over here in awe of writers who are brave to release their words onto the world. While I just keep journaling and being to scared to transfer my words into the digital world and see how it does with people!
Great piece - found myself saying “yes yes yes!” I am curious by nature, get bored fairly easily, start a new hobby every week (literally). I’ve come to accept this part of me - though I still have days I want to slap myself and say “get it together Amanda!” But - curiosity means I can explore more of the world, dip a toe into all sorts of things. I am great at Connections because I know a lot about a little and that’s so cool!
I’d love to commiserate about this more. I have found things that I am very consistent with - working out, drinking water, walking my doggie, watching the traitors, my substack! And other things going poorly - my novel, letterboxed, eating enough protein.
Anyway - thanks for this!!!
Hahahahha this comment made me laugh so hard because I've NOW FOUND myself saying "yes yes yes!". That's so interesting - same here. As part of this essay, I also took stock of the (few) things I've been fairly consistent in my life with for the past few years. They're not many...but watching the Traitors definitely is!! So is reading/watching films/listening to podcasts as part of my day to day which is a big deal for me. Show me your ways about keeping consistent with working out ooouuuf. I'm literally procrastinating as we type but I'm about to do it now, no excuses 😂
Being consistent with a show means something! I’ll stand by it. As for working out, I’m unfortunately like your friend in that I will lose my ever loving mind if I don’t move. I have always told people- you gotta find what you like! I hate spin, I hate bikes! I would never work out that way. But I do like dumbbells and walking so 🤌🏻
As someone who logs everything on LB, from a 27th rewatch of 27 Dresses while filing taxes to the recent Oscar contender I just saw at my local AMC, I want to say - the amount of times I wish I could write 4000 words on a movie and share it with the world, instead of just being able to obsessive log, is astronomically high. One reminds me of vulnerability, the type I wish I practiced more. The other reminds me of precision, which isn’t the same as creativity, IMO, and is cultivated by discipline that many, many days, feels like an excuse for not writing that Substack article I’ve been putting off. Because I already decided it isn’t good. All this to say: Sometimes, the LB user also wishes they were you, too. Thanks so much for writing this piece.
Wow, this was a huge unlock for me so thank you for writing this comment. I guess it does go back to my epilogue --- we're just wired differently and it shouldn't be a competition. Which I'm slowly coming to terms with haha! Thank you so much ❤️
I think Letterboxd is just gamefication disguised as something "high culture." To me, just from a functional UX/UI perspective it's an awful user experience, which is why their marketing has been key and so successful at getting people to log stuff on there as some kind of badge of taste.
I also have bursts where I'm super inspired to write and weeks where I need to noodle something in my head before I write it down.
Digital platforms have been really well engineered to tap into certain neurodivergent aspects and they work well for people who need those constant dopamine hits. I'd love to read more about this!
Funny I was only yesterday contemplating a “note” meant to instigate Letterboxd discussion. I do not like Letterboxd Sam I am I tried it a year ago and logged films for about a month and quit. The site is clunky and swampy. Part of me thinks as a filmmaker I’m supposed to follow along and have an account and participate blah blah blah but in the end I don’t want to spend my own very limited resources on it. I’ve got better things to do even if that’s to stare at the ceiling for an hour.
the site is extremely clunky! and their ads crash the site constantly
it's only gamification if you are logging for the likes and not for your own love of archiving what you watch and how you felt about it.
But that’s a big part of what the user experience is designed to foster, most all apps have that component for user growth and acquisition
my pushback to that would be just because an app is designed one way does not mean you have to use it that way. Substack has that same gamification now with likes and leaderboards and what have you, but the people who are using it for their passion are what make it great. Letterboxd can foster that same passion. It can foster exploration and discovery. It does not need to be used in a gamified way. Their journal (which I do write for) has a goal of fostering discoverability and highlighting films from under-seen communities.
Like I said in my comment on Sophie’s piece, Letterboxd has many uses, one of which is discovery and another of which is personal archiving, which has been a part of cinephilia since the birth of cinema, be it in lists that people have written out for themselves, the collecting of movie stubs, etc. This archival behavior has been part of how people engage with movies from the beginning, Letterboxd just facilitates a way to do for the digital age.
Well if it makes you feel any better as an old, I’ve been logging every movie I watch in one form or another (livejournal, tumblr, listography) since I was in college twenty years ago. sometimes you start a habit as a teenager and it just sticks. I know someone who is in their 60s who has been logging everything they watch in a physical journal since like 1970. Letterboxd is just a digital version of something people have been doing forever. just not everyone’s brain works that way and/or they don’t care. In my view, it’s not a failing or an achievement either way; it’s a form of personal archiving.
Yes absolutely -- that where I'm trying to get to at the end of my essay. It's all a bit irrelevant at the end of the day but I thought it would be a helpful exercise to apply my feelings on something as trivial as letterboxd logging to other areas in my life where this internal oscillation takes place 😂
Sophie: Brilliant writing as always. As someone who’s just emerging from a monthlong wallow in the doldrums, unmotivated and absent any creative spark, I empathize with your take on consistent people. While I tend to fall into that category more often than into the chaotic one, I certainly have my times when breaking my patterns is just what the doctor ordered. Or would have if I had consulted one for confirmation that it was fine if I just read a book all day instead of doing anything else. Even then, it’s not because I have a list of books I’ve read every year since I first learned how. Nor do I track my movie watching, which tends to be sporadic these days and can include anything from Academy Award prospects to independent films that someone here on Substack recommended. I don’t like to treat books and films as requirements but as pleasures, therefore not homework I need to finish before I can go outside and play.
I see you and I validate you!!
"She’s a masterpiece that thinks she’s a shopping list."
Sophie's spitting bars!
❤️❤️❤️
Ive done longer form writing that felt exhausting to contend with, ive done Letterboxd logs that felt profound and now seem pretentious, ive done logs that are silly jokes, that dont tell me anything about the film when I look back on it.
I like having a cataloguing of what ive watched, because I made lists before there was Letterboxd, I made spreadsheets for music! But still, my abilities to perceive depth and wrestle it out into coherent reviews etc have atrophied for sure, since i adhere to Letterboxd logging. Even the neurodivergent brains who enjoy Letterboxd are getting beaten up a bit.
And most of my notebooks are empty too!
This is a great reflection and I admire how you came to understand that certain influencers are simply wired differently. Personally, I only log films that I see at the cinema and give full stars (1-5, no halves) to be more decisive while tracking consistency.
Love that approach and sounds very sensible to me! Thank you Dylan 🫶🏼
Sophie, I ironically - or appropriately? - do not have the bandwidth to respond how I want to respond so I will be sending my thoughts your way tomorrow, BUT I did just want to say thank you for consistently being a role model (cheesy term I know but it's the best one I can think of right now) in how to embody a gorgeous, vulnerable, authentic impactful, and helpful online "self." i.e. you represent so fully how to be human in this digital age.
Thank YOU!!! Finding the balance of being vulnerable and authentic while not coming across as a tool is scary but I trust you and the rest of my readers to understand I come from a place of deep and profound connection with you all ❤️
Alright I'm ready to talk lol. I feel your honest exploration of seeing a "perfectly consistent person" operate really unlocked some new language for me in my own understanding of how my brain works. It's something I've been thinking about - well my whole life - but especially recently as I've been learning the commonalities between artists and entrepreneurs. So I'm going to voice some thoughts or "questions" I've had recently in light of our current global unraveling. What if we're just now waking up to how true "creative minds" work. What if the world after the industrial revolution sought to create systems and rewards for people whose minds can be compared to "machines" rather than "fertile fields" where one has to wait for harvest in due season. What if we just haven't shaped the proper infrastructure, language, and conversation on how "non-machine like minds" actually work. What if outside of biology, depression is simply having a mind that's not fit to "operate" under the current systems of thought. I don't know how much you've been following Yancey Strickler and his A-Corp certification journey but he found that there was no financial system that was congruent with how a creative/ artist works and so he had to make one. This shortcoming in proper infrastructure and understanding can easily be translated to "thought" and perception of "productivity." A field looks barren before the harvest comes. We forget that minds need things like boredom and solitude just as much as we need connection and stimulation. This also ties in to our current "VALUATION" of money. In today's world money is above all else - even our own humanity. And there are certain people who truly are excited and stimulated by sheer numbers and profits alone. I have never been one of those people and I have spent DAYS/WEEKS/ YEARS of my life trying to figure out just how these people's minds work. The old saying, "I won't get out of bed for anything less than a million dollars" has never made any sense to me. I won't get out of bed for anything that doesn't set my soul on fire. That doesnt connect me to people, places, and experiences that not only let me know that I am alive but that I'm connnected to something greater than myself. I think as revolution is inevitably springing up across the world - a world built on numbers, data, and knowledge - we are going to a revolution of our understanding of the"mind" and my prayer is that on the other side of this, people will finally see that there are other things to value and other ways to think and produce outside of the capitialistic, industrial narrative we've been spoon-fed our whole lives.
❤️❤️❤️
I am both your friend who doesn’t miss a day at the gym (5 days a week, same routine) and you - who gets overwhelmed. Who can’t start a new habit and continue it forever no matter how pretty my planner. I hate logging things even though I should. And I get mired in the anxiety of not being the consistent, reliable, always available and together person I feel like I could be… because I’ve proven I can! In specific areas only! For no rhyme or reason! (Also however often you post, I’m excited to keep reading your work!)
This was really validating to hear and also reassuring!! It's definitely not black and white. We truly contain multitudes 🫶🏼
you are truly a great writer.
Well, fuck. This reminds me of that brief scene in BoJack Horseman where he marvels at how other people can just live. "It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say yeah, another day, let's do it. How do people do it? I don't know how." I mean this as the highest of compliments. Also this post goes straight to my saved folder. Thank u for sharing ♥️
Omg Alexandra, you took me back to that scene! I love Bojack (and I can relate to this damn horse so much). Thank you so much for the reminder and thank you for showing up ❤️
This essay was the first thing I read after hearing that Catherine O'Hara died, so thank you for the slight uplift in mood. (RIP Catherine)
It's nice to know that I am not the only person who fails to be consistent in logging their entries on Letterboxd. Also, I laughed-cried about your attempts to use Notion... because I tried using Notion to maintain a database of articles and clippings. Failed abysmally.
But here's something ironic I thought I'd share, because it might raise a different question connected to your topic. I'm gonna go on a tangent but please do bear with me, I swear there's a point to all of it.
Since 2015, I've maintained a log of all the movies I watch and books I read in a notebook. It's a small brown faux-leather A5 notebook. I divide each page into two columns: one for films, one for books. When I write, my writing is tiny and cramped to fit the already narrow space; writing non-fic book titles are the worst, sometimes I need a magnifying glass to see what I've written. I've been doing this consistently for a decade. But when I tried this on Letterboxd and StoryGraph, I'm about as committed as Marvel Comics is about allowing Spider-Man to grow up in the stories- that is to say, utterly inconsistent.
In 2017, I created an Excel Sheet to expand the type of stuff I wanted to log. This included TV episodes, comic books, scripts, music albums, and later, films and books rewatched and reread respectively. And each month, I'd transfer these to a Word document (along with my entries in the brown notebook) so that I got an overview of all the things I was watching. This, too, I've been doing consistently.
However, I think the reason I've been able to succeed in this type of consistency but not with Letterboxd or Storygraph is because it's for my own use and not for public viewing. I also find it weirdly frictionless, whereas logging on something on Letterboxd just feels exhausting! It's not just the title and the date, but you also have to give it a rating and maybe your opinion! I think that the Internet- social media in particular- has made this kind of record-keeping a performative activity. Consciously or otherwise, it's not enough to just log an entry- we need to show that we have AN OPINION on it, or to show that WE ARE SERIOUS CINEPHILES/READERS JUST LOOK AT HOW MUCH I WATCH/READ REGULARLY LOOK UPON MY PROFILE AND DESPAIR.
I know some people don't do that- I have friends who find Letterboxd useful in the same way I use a notebook and an Excel sheet. But your essay made me realize that the good ol' Internet has turned even something like Letterboxd into a comparison game; where shame and envy and despair are the currency that keeps the wheels of the platform turning.
I think- and this is the point I promised this was all leading up to- I think that it is easier to be consistent at certain things- in this case, logging the stuff one watches- when it's meant for your eyes only instead of sharing with the world. Where the only shame and despair comes from when you consult your private records and realise HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I LAST WATCHED SOMETHING BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. (*checks notebook* HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IT ACTUALLY HAS BEEN A WEEK SINCE I LAST WATCHED SOMETHING!)
Keep on writing, Sophie, and don't let the internet and Letterboxd get you down!
Comments like this is why I write on this platform. Thank you for your radical honesty and thank you for taking the time to respond to my essay in such a thoughtful yet illuminating way. This is all so astute!
Essays like yours are the only reason I continue checking this platform. Seriously, the rate that Substack is turning into a Frankenstein-ian YouTube/TikTok/X platform means that in-depth analytical thinking like the pieces that you write will soon be unpalatable to the almighty algorithm
Appreciate you 🥹 We have to push back against fast consumption. Long live slow reading and living!
Kudos Sophie; this was like looking at my brain in the mirror. Time dilation is also something I seem to deal with. I perch on the edge of my activity black hole, noodling through tasks, and when I look up, the rest of the world appears to have climbed Mt Everest.
Solidarity 🫶🏼
The grass is not just greener over that way, it’s soil more mineral, it’s growth pattern more susceptible to fruit. That is the perspective of the sun; source’s eyes beholding the grass and its neon. Does the sun grow angry at the sight of apple trees?
I think you struck something deeply profound here. Something that movies do that a workout does not; writing anything does where routine-of-something cannot see. You’re touching on the feeling of experience, which is total. As Kurt Vonnegut puts it, this is the sense of becoming that practicing any art invites. You’re discussing the realm of awe and curiosity, as if it were clutching onto the back of time. They move together; the thing is you see it: that union. You can’t ignore it.
The grass here isn’t always green. Usually the opposite; often scorched. The sun is far too close. You are not a patch of anything, not a plot of anything. Your concerns are with the entire hill: everything green and everything not green all the same. The difference here — your frustration — comes down to not a great many mirrors reflecting back onto yourself, but none at all. Or at least a reflection so blinding that not a single feature can be accurately made out.
You’re burning inside. Not the kind that your friend may feel at the onset of a change of plans or outside when the workout goes off without a hitch. Not the kind that even hurts. It’s the kind that makes heat, fire, and life. I’m inspired by your openness. The thing about you is that you will never know why you affect and inspire; because you don’t run on envy or jealousy. You never did; you just can’t tell. You had your blinders on to the one thing that is true: you’re the sun, the grass is only greener because you made it that way.
What a poetic comment 🥹
It's mystery. The mysteries of the lived experiences of others spark fascination in a none-too-different way that the mysteries of nature spark scientific itches. Of course they're going to seem more attractive to us compared to our own experience, which will seem unremarkable only because we're so used to it.
Consider, then, that's there's a similar element of mystery surrounding who you were prior to being born; a version of your experience that's so true to who you are and what you're built for that you can't yet comprehend it. That's the carrot that keeps me going, anyway (with glorious inconsistency, I might add).
Yes! Honestly my revelation from writing this is that we should all just marvel at each other and take the "negative" feelings and turn them into curiosity/wonder for others and ourselves ❤️
Meanwhile, I am over here in awe of writers who are brave to release their words onto the world. While I just keep journaling and being to scared to transfer my words into the digital world and see how it does with people!
Would love to read what you have to say one day when you're ready ❤️